Torn Apart at Birth

2004-06-19T14:19:00.000-05:00

FAMILY DINNERS FOR A WEEK IN SUMMER. OZELLA SEFFNER.

Sunday.

Green Corn Soup. Salmon and Green Peas. Roast Beef. Tomatoes. New
Potatoes. Strawberry Ice Cream. Cake. Coffee. Iced Tea.

Monday.

Lamb Chops. Mint Sauce. Potatoes. Escaloped Onions. Cucumber
Salad. Orange Pudding.

Tuesday.

Veal Soup. Fried Chicken. Green Peas. Rice Croquettes.
Strawberries and Cream.

Wednesday.

Broiled Beef Steak. Potato Croquettes. String Beans. Tomato Salad.
Fruit Jelly. Cream Pie.

Thursday.

Potato Soup. Roast Veal. Baked Potatoes. Beet Salad. Asparagus.
Strawberry Shortcake.

Friday.

Boiled Fish. Egg Sauce. Lamb Chops. Peas. Escaloped Potatoes.
Lettuce, Mayonnaise. Raspberry Iced Tea.

Saturday.

Chicken Pot Pie, with Dumplings. Spinach. Cucumber Salad. Radishes.
Lemonade.

-

FOR SIX HUNDRED PICKLES. MRS. M. E. WRIGHT.

Make a brine of cold water and salt strong enough to bear up an egg;
heat boiling hot, and pour over pickles; let stand twenty-four hours;
then take out, and wipe dry. Scald vinegar, and put over; let stand
twenty-four hours; then pour off, and to fresh vinegar add one quart
brown sugar, two large green peppers, one-half pint white mustard
seed, six cents worth ginger root, six cents worth cinnamon and
allspice, one tablespoon celery seed, alum size butternut. Scald,
pour over, and tie up in jars.

-

Recipes Tried and True by the Ladies' Aid Society of the First Presbyterian Church of Marion, Ohio.

what?

2004-06-19T14:13:00.000-05:00

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of
lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown,
ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air. He
held the bowl aloft and intoned:

--INTROIBO AD ALTARE DEI.

Ulysses by James Joyce

2004-03-05T13:15:00.000-06:00

"I am a simple girl! Naive in the ways of the world!"

"No. You are the apex of sexy danger."

Hugo is the SHIZZLE

---

Ok: my computer is dead. Kaput. No more. It does not even turn on. So I am as capable of being online as a homeless person - that is to say, bummin'. If you see me online, chat while you can, because my time in this realm is short yet, biatches.

Me: Philippe for President! KOMPRESSOR for Vice President!

2004-02-29T19:45:00.000-06:00

Grey Tuesday

2004-02-21T19:49:00.000-06:00

My site'll go away on Tuesday as part of the Grey Tuesday protest in favor of loosening (or removing) copyright restrictions on audio sampling. It's in reference to the Grey Album of DJ Danger Mouse, which illegally remixed Jay-Z's Black Album vocals with the Beatles' White Album. Weeks later, the Beatles' catalog's caretakers, EMI, filed cease-and-desist letters with record stores that were carrying some of the 3,000 copies of the album, and Web sites like Waxy that were hosting MP3s of the album.

Still, it's too late for any of that to do any real damage - the album's all over KaZaA and other filesharing nets, IRC, and steel-backboned Web sites like illegal-art.org. I'm just way too big a fan of Paul's Boutique to not want creative sampling to be encouraged.

For other Black Album remixes, check AllHipHop.com.

Well, if Hunter S. Thompson insists...

2004-02-18T22:04:00.000-06:00

From 'Hey, Rube':

The new elite is obviously New England and Carolina, along with Indianapolis, Dallas, Tennessee and maybe even New Orleans.

(emphasis mine)

2004-02-18T15:13:00.000-06:00

DJ Danger Mouse. The Grey Album. REPRESENT.

--

Godfuckers! I missed the new KOMPRESSOR release (sort of)!

recorded 2003-2004. THE FIRST 100 BUYERS OF THIS COMPACTDISC WILL RECEIVE SIGNED/DATED COPIES. THERE ARE 37 SIGNED COPIES LEFT. this album will ship on 15 MARCH 2004. if you order other items with this cd, all items will ship on 15 MARCH 2004. click underlined titles to hear mp3 sample. tracks:

1. YOU HAVE TO SYNTHESIZE
2. REPRESENT
3. DISCIPLINE WITH DRUM MACHINE
4. MUSIC INDUSTRY
5. KOMPRESSOR MIDDLE SCHOOL
6. YOU NEED SERVICES
7. ZAPRUDER
8. PENMANSHIP
9. ONE ZERO NINE
10. WE HAVE TO FIGHT
11. CRUSHING IN PROGRESS
12. TURN THE KNOB
13. THE FINAL LESSON

price: $12 (shipping $2)

--

By way of Dorothy Gambrellworld, Other People's Stories:

Every story on OPS is a story a contributor heard from someone else. These stories have been overheard and misheard, told and re-told and sometimes refined over time. They do not shy from hearsay, gossip, myth or guys we knew in high school. OPS is dedicated to the time-honored tradition of stealing other people’s material and we therefore recognize our debt to those from whom we’ve stolen and acknowledge that these stories do not belong to us.

New stories will appear every Tuesday.

Your mom is so fat that she could be considered as fat

2004-02-14T13:27:00.000-06:00

From YourMom!

Your Mom is so nasty, she used Secret and it told.

Your Mom's so nasty she made Speed Stick slow down.

Your Mom's so nasty she made Right Guard turn left.

Your Mom's so nasty Ozzy Osbourne refused to bite her head off.

Your Mom is so skinny that she had to run around in the shower to get wet.

Your Mom is so buck-toothed that she could hollow out a pumpkin through a picket fence.

Your Mom's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth her stomach lights up.

Your Mom is so ugly she looks like Alan Greenspan after a market crash.

Your Mom is so fat she rolled over a SuperNintendo and made 4 Game Boys.

Your Mom's so fat she fell in love and broke it.

I saw your mom on channel 7, and when I changed to channel 25 you could still see her ass sticking out.

Your mom is so fat that her muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

Your Mom is so fat that you couldn't store her on a 4000 hexabite hard drive!

Your Mom is so fat that her wedding picture was printed by Hagstrom.....in a three-volume atlas.

Your Mom is so fat, she has a lifeguard for her cereal bowl.

Your Mom is so fat she can seat a family of six.

Your Mom is so fat she was overthrown by a small militia, she's now know as The Republic of Your Mom.

Your Mom is so fat that the local restaurant says "Maximum occupancy: 45 people, or your mom."

Your Mom is so fat, after sex she smokes a ham.

Your Mom is so fat, she blocked all the light out in Plato's cave.

Your Mom's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Your Mom's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Your Mom's so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your Mom's so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Your Mom's so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Your Mom's so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.

Your Mom's so fat we are in her right now.

2004-02-13T20:08:00.000-06:00

this is all webcomics

This is actually patented

2004-02-13T17:15:00.000-06:00

Method of exercising a cat (US5443036)

A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct.

Referencing this patent:
US5194007 1993-03 Marshall et al. The United States of America as represented by the Secretary of the Navy: Semiconductor laser weapon trainer and target designator for live fire

DAMN

2004-02-13T16:08:00.000-06:00

Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About

This is IN-RETARDED-FUCKING-CREDIBLE. It's also just a FRACTION of what he's actually done - the rest goes to his mailing list.

FUCK.

I mean, GODDAMN! FUCKING DAMN!

2004-02-13T14:52:00.000-06:00

Fuck you! If you think you can bake a better chocolate cheesecake, fucking do it and quit bitching!

Riiiiiiiiight. Cause, you know, we've been paying such close attention

2004-02-13T14:09:00.000-06:00

IHT: Skepticism clouds U.S. answer to Al Jazeera

Kenneth Tomlinson, chairman of the Broadcasting Board, said he would shield the network (Al Hurra, a U.S. government-funded new Arabic satellite network based in Virginia) from external pressure, though he said he did not expect any. "The people aren't stupid," he said. "If we're slanting the news, they'll figure it out. If we establish long-term credibility, people will begin to ask questions. What went wrong? What retarded a civilization that was once far ahead of the West? And we'll be there to answer them."

Random shit continues

2004-02-12T22:21:00.000-06:00

Barbie is officially a slut

"After 43 years as one of the world's prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple's ``business manager,'' Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken ``feel it's time to spend some quality time - apart.''

``Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end,'' said Arons, who quickly added that the duo ``will remain friends.''

Arons denied that there was any truth to rumors that the breakup was linked to the Cali (as in California) Girl Barbie, arriving in stores now. To better reflect her single status, Cali Barbie will wear board shorts and a bikini top, metal hoop earrings, and have a deeper tan.

This new style already has attracted a new admirer, Blaine the Australian boogie boarder."

Harvard Crimson misrepresented H Bomb magazine

"H Bomb is not porn. As stated in our proposal to the Committee on College Life (CCL), which was readily available to anyone interested, it is a literary arts magazine about sex and sexual issues at Harvard. It will contain fiction, features, poetry, and art," wrote founding students Katharina Cieplak-von Baldegg and Camilla A. Hrdy, and faculty adviser Mark D. Hauser.

And yet, in the original article by Ebonie D. Hazle:
Hrdy said that “initially there was some concern about the nudity aspect,” but that CCL members eventually “got past the fear of porn.”

Baldegg added that she does not object to H Bomb being called porn.

“It’s a sex magazine that will hopefully be run by students of all sexual orientations and backgrounds,” Baldegg said.Baldegg said she expected the magazine, which will also include art and fiction articles, to garner a lot of attention.

“I guess student porn is sort of an underground thing,” she said.

So either we have a source (or sources) who regret(s) saying something to a reporter, or a sloppy reporter. Hazle's been writing since 2002, but apparently didn't even get Cieplak-von Baldegg's last name correct in her story.

jesus I need to be doing something other than this

2004-02-12T11:32:00.000-06:00

An old Achewood in anticipation of the Garfield movie.

"The World Leader In Movie Rental Suggestion Technology"

2004-02-11T21:29:00.000-06:00

The What To Rent Computer Cluster

It picked Clerks for me tonight. I told it I already saw it, so it suggested Quills.

But no money.

James Cameron may be eyeing live-action Battle Angel Alita

2004-02-11T20:04:00.000-06:00

From Upcoming Movies, and awfully vague:

"There has been a lot of buzz and rumor in the last year that Cameron is close to making 'Battle Angel Alita' his next movie, but since he didn't come right out and say that, it's possible this *isn't* his next movie."

Feds pull funding from many shows' closed captioning

2004-02-11T19:00:00.000-06:00

From the Palm Beach Post:

"So the U.S. Department of Education is declaring about 200 television programs inappropriate for closed-captioning and denying federal grant requests to make them accessible to the hearing-impaired.

The department made its decisions based on the recommendations of a five-member panel. Who the five members are, only the government seems to know, and it isn't saying. But the shows they censored suggest a perspective that is Talibanesque.

The government is refusing to caption Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, apparently fearing that the deaf would fall prey to witchcraft if they viewed the classic sitcoms.

Your government also believes that Law & Order is too intense for the hard-of-hearing. So is Power Rangers. You can rest easy knowing that your federal tax dollars aren't being spent to promote Sanford and Son, Judge Wapner's Animal Court and The Loretta Young Show within the deaf community. Kids with hearing problems can forget about watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, classic cartoons or Nickelodeon features. Even Roy Rogers and Robin Hood are out.

Sports programming took a heavy hit, too. The government has decided that people with hearing problems don't need to watch NASCAR, Major League Baseball, the National Basketball Association, the National Football League or Professional Golf Association tournaments.

The National Association of the Deaf says the government used to caption these shows but abruptly changed course, deciding that the shows don't fit the required definition of "educational, news or informational" programming."

Harvard Committee Approves Official Bi-Annual Porn Magazine

2004-02-11T15:33:00.000-06:00

From the Harvard Crimson:

"After flipping through the pages of (SQUIRM), a Vassar College erotica magazine, the Committee on College Life (CCL) voted to approve a student-run magazine that will feature nude pictures of Harvard undergraduates and articles about sexual issues at its meeting yesterday.

Fourteen members of the CCL approved H Bomb—a magazine that will be similar to the Vassar publication—as an official Harvard publication. Two members abstained.

...

In early December, Katharina C. Baldegg ’06 and Camilla A. Hrdy ’05, the two students who proposed the magazine, met with McLoughlin to begin the approval process for H Bomb.

Baldegg said that she did not think the process was especially difficult. CCL, which is composed of students, faculty and administrators, approves the creation of all new student groups, including publications.

“I don’t think we faced any opposition. People have been very open about it,” she said.

...

"It's a sex magazine that will hopefully be run by students of all sexual orientations and backgrounds," (Harvard student and H Bomb founder Katharina C.) Baldegg said. Baldegg said she expected the magazine, which will also include art and fiction articles, to garner a lot of attention.

...

Only students of the College will be posing for the magazine’s photographs and they will all be 18 or older, Baldegg said.

Associate Dean of the College Judith H. Kidd said officially approved organizations do not necessarily represent the views of the College. She expected varied reaction to the new publication.

"There will be people who will value the free speech [...] and people whose sensibilities are offended," said Kidd, who was also at yesterday’s meeting. "[CCL] also very strongly felt we ought to be able to approve these organizations."

"Committee members really sort of look at it as, 'Is it something if the student body would want? Is it feasible?' Not 'Would I join?'" (Assistant Dean of the College and CCL member Paul J.)McLoughlin said.

...

Baldegg and Hrdy anticipate that their magazine will be published bi-annually, starting this semester. They are thinking about distributing the first issue of the magazine during commencement ceremonies in May, Hrdy said.

Lecturer on the Study of Religion Brian C.W. Palmer ’86 said many pornographic publications often walk the line of objectifying women.

“Much depends on the values of the editors. Quite possibly the magazine will sell, as so much else sells, by commodifying women’s bodies and including an occasional half-nude man as an alibi,” Palmer wrote in an e-mail. "

...

Baldegg and (co-founder and student Camilla A.) Hrdy anticipate that their magazine will be published bi-annually, starting this semester. They are thinking about distributing the first issue of the magazine during commencement ceremonies in May, Hrdy said."

(Also: Bloomberg article, Vassar's SQUIRM)

die journalism die!

2004-02-11T14:41:00.000-06:00

From the Times of India:
Now, Nasdaq live from Bangalore

"WASHINGTON: Reporting on the outsourcing issue may never be the same again. The news agency Reuters has announced that it will be hiring six reporters in Bangalore.

No news here – except the reporters sitting in Bangalore will be covering American companies and financial markets.

...

"And here I'd been telling people so lightheartedly, 'Well, at least they can't outsource my job.' Stupid me," says Aliza Earnshaw, a reporter with the Portland Business Journal, who thinks moving to India may now be an option."

From C|Net:
Comcast offers $66 billion for Disney

Esp.:
"Executives said they could improve profit margins in the ABC broadcast network, which has trailed rivals CBS and NBC, by taking a "businesslike approach" to the news business."

UMass Marching Band Percussion Pit Covers Paranoid Android

2004-02-10T22:06:00.000-06:00

From Green Plastic.:

"Of all the places you'd expect to hear a cover of Paranoid Android performed, the University of Massachusetts' Alumni Day festivities is probably not high on your list. But not only does it turn out the UMass Marching Band Percussion Pit performed said song at said event, it turns out they did a pretty good job of it."

An MP3 of it. The UMass Drumline page.

UnderReported.com :: Surprising stories from the media and primary sources

2004-02-09T11:57:00.000-06:00

UnderReported.com :: Surprising stories from the media and primary sources

I bet their commercials make more sense

2004-02-08T11:36:00.000-06:00

Consumption of anti-impotence drugs such as Viagra and Snafi reached approximately 140 million Saudi riyals ($37.3 million) in the six Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) states last year.

Pfizer’s Viagra brand controls 80 percent of the GCC impotence drug market. Snafi, a new competitor to Viagra is the first Arab drug against impotence to enter the indsutry. Developed by Saudi Arabia’s Spimaco Company, Snafi has been registered by the GCC Central Department for Drug Registration and will soon be registered also in the UAE market.

Other popular medications for erectile dysfunction in the region are Bayer Pharmaceuticals’ Levitra and Lilly ICOS’ Cialis.

Company sells MP3 guns

2004-02-08T11:06:00.000-06:00

The "AK-MP3" player is built into the ammunition clip of a Kalashnikov. It can be swapped with the real magazine carrying bullets and inserted into the weapon.

(order one here)

"This is our bit for World Peace," jokes one of the partners behind ABFF, ex-rock-star Andrey Koltakov (BONIFACIY). "Hopefully, from now on many Militants and Terrorists will use their AK47s to listen to music and audio books…They need to chill out and take it easy."

Internal Buffer:
8 MB (480sec Anti-shock)

Interfaces:
USB2.0

Formats:
MP3 (8 to 320 kb/s);
WMA (up to 192kb/s);

Battery Life:
Up to 8 hours with built-in Lithium ION, up to 16 hours with external battery box

Dimensions:
115 x 85 x 27mm.

Weight:
450g with battery

Includes:
USB cable
100V-220V AC Adapter
Stereo headphones
Carrying pouch
Software and driver CD

For Ashley, the Dauz... well, for just about every girl

2004-02-07T22:27:00.000-06:00

Throw Rocks At Boys

Because I carry massive masculine guilt.

still random

2004-02-07T12:58:00.000-06:00

Everything you ever wanted to know about 404 pages, including notable 404s from all around the Web and "A Loving Tribute to 404 Not Found", where you can "share your 404 memories, anecdotes, and photos with the webmaster."

Notable from the Guardian's best Blogs (which is an old Blogger news entry, but whatever):

The Diary of Samuel Pepys, as a Movable Type blog. Posted each corresponding day - Jan. 1, 1660, was posted Jan. 1, 2003, etc. Which means, yes, there are nine years of the diary left to post. Each entry is well hyperlinked, and be sure to read the raucous Annotations that readers leave (ok, maybe not raucous, but good reads nonetheless).

Belle du Jour, the diary of an anonymous British hooker. This one's for Catie, but not because she's a hooker. :P

Dragons and pink tanks, silly England

2004-02-07T11:20:00.000-06:00

Article: The Sydney Morning Herald
Also, a Christian site that claims the discovery is the death knell for evolution (linked mostly because it has better pics)

"A pickled "dragon" that looks as if it might once have flown around Harry Potter's Hogwarts has been found in a garage in Oxfordshire, England.

The baby dragon, in a sealed jar, was discovered with a metal tin containing paperwork in old-fashioned German of the 1890s.

Allistair Mitchell, who was asked to investigate the dragon by a friend, David Hart, who discovered it in his garage, speculates that German scientists may have attempted to use the dragon to hoax their English counterparts at the end of the 19th century, when rivalry between the countries was intense."

The pink tank of London

The Washington Post's E-Mail Goes Down (TechNews.com)

2004-02-06T17:10:00.000-06:00

This is from the Washington Post Web site, but is written by the Associated Press wire service, which means the Post didn't work on the story. >_<;

The Washington Post's E-Mail Goes Down (TechNews.com)

MediaGuardian.co.uk | Radio | Potting Shed sows pot row

2004-02-06T16:45:00.000-06:00

BBC gardening dopes fail to weed out cannabis caller - Guardian Radio

I believe the country should be run by someone who is five!

2004-02-05T19:01:00.000-06:00

A quick domain name search:

philippeforamerica.com Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.net Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.org Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.info Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.biz Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.us Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.ws Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.tv Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.cn Available Click here to add to cart!
philippeforamerica.name Available Click here to add to cart!

Somebody bust out the $15-odd dollars for some cheap hosting and one of these domain names, and I'll do everything I can to make a good campaign site for our good friend Philippe.

"American football can look like a very complicated game"

2004-02-04T17:10:00.000-06:00

I'm immersed in the NFL here - my roommate is a walking almanac of the NFL from 1991 unto today, and our second Madden 2004 franchise is into its seventh year - but it's interesting to see how the rest of the world looks at "American" football.

The Beeb put together a pretty entry-level look at football from the eyes of a Scottish Claymores (the Cheddarheads! Craig Nall!) wide receiver. It's an interesting read all around, even if you're an American familiar with the sport. (And it spells things 'offence' and 'defence'. Because it's about FENCES, people. FENCES.)

Kerry, Dean, Sharpy, Clark, Koochinini-I-can't-pronounce-ch

2004-02-03T19:01:00.000-06:00

I know I said I wasn't much on tests, but I've been running into some nice ones lately. AOL and Time have a blind quiz to match you to the presidential election candidates. My results:

1 Kerry Score: 100%
2 Dean Score: 100%
3 Sharpton Score: 99%
4 Clark Score: 98%
5 Kucinich Score: 93%
6 Lieberman Score: 85%
7 Edwards Score: 82%
8 Bush Score: 28%

Andrew Sullivan also placed Bush last (though he was still 40% closer), which is surprising when he's at least a little more conservative (40% more?) than I am.

It's not a pastie, it's a nipple shield.

2004-02-02T12:22:00.000-06:00

http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/08-nipple/shield001.html

Low score: Emotional Stability

2004-02-01T14:59:00.000-06:00

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	14%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Anger	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	31%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Emotionality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	39%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 3	Image Awareness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	41%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	79%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	59%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	69%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	55%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	55%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 4w5
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 6w5

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

2004-02-01T09:09:00.000-06:00

Also from Fark:

Hunter S. Thompson says Tom Brady hasn't slept for 4 days, under political pressure.

I'm still a bit stunned over seeing that the Good Doctor has been writing for ESPN since damn near 9-11. Two-thousand-fucking-ONE.

"I'd give this a trillion out of a billion."

2004-02-01T08:04:00.000-06:00

Links via Fark:

Guardian Unlimited | Arts features | Under eights v middle eights

Nirvana: Smells Like Teen Spirit (1991)

What the grown-ups say: "... reflects Kurt Cobain's skilful mingling of Stooges'-style brute yobbism (grinding guitars and yelping vocals), American punk and late 1970s art rock." (NME)

What the kids say:

Ben This is amazing. The bass is amazing. It's brilliant.

Holly I like him singing, "Hello, hello, hello" - that's funny.

Sophie It's making me think about doing bad things like putting snowballs down my sister's back.

Benjamin This would definitely win Pop Idol.

Holly Good, goodbye, goodbye.

Benjamin 12 out of 10. Actually 3000 out of 3000.

Attention span: Whole song.

Better than Busted? "Yes."

---

In Da Club, broken down into cracker-English. At bottom of page, look for breakdowns of:
50 Cent - "In Da Club"
Ludacris - "Move Bitch"
Avril Lavigne - "Complicated"
Ja Rule featuring Ashanti - "Down 4 U"
Nelly - "Hot In Herre"
Eminem - "Without Me"
Tweet - "Oops...Oh My"
Usher - "U Don't Have To Call"
Ashanti - "Foolish"
Fat Joe feat. Ashanti & Ja Rule - "What's Luv?"
Ja Rule feat. Ashanti - "Always On Time"
Naughty By Nature - "O.P.P."
Britney Spears - "I'm a Slave 4 U"
Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule - "I'm Real" (remix)
Destiny's Child - "Bootylicious"
Jay-Z - "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)"
Eve (feat. Gwen Stefani) - "Let Me Blow Ya Mind"

Black Riders

2004-01-31T13:11:00.000-06:00

Like Mount Caradhras I keep my cool
Make you look like a sucker you wack nazgul
So step off! step off!
All you nazgul bitches
Step off! step off!
All you Angmar Witches

HAPPY BIRFDAY CHRISTINE

2004-01-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

Sushiesque webmistress turns 8 x 3 today. I got her something we call down here a Kool-Aid jug but those fancy Northerners call a "Juice Jug". Juice Jug. What? Jug?

Super Bowl Media Day strange

2004-01-28T12:27:00.000-06:00

From the Houston Chronicle:

"NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, impressed by Monday night's opening ceremony salute to the city's sports legends, honored by the attendance of former President George Bush and dazzled by the live musical performance that served as a backdrop, says Houston could become the permanent home of the Super Bowl if somebody would swing him and John Madden a deal on tight, black leather pants like Yanni's."

NE Pat Tom Brady has never voted

2004-01-26T16:43:00.000-06:00

but he got to sit in on the State of the Union and says his wildest ambition would be to run for Senate one day.

Smoking Gun, via Fark

No, it doesn't matter much. But it would be interesting to find out how hard it was to actually get in to see the State of the Union, and why Brady hasn't voted.

(ahemahem)gopanthers(ahemahem)

And in full disclosure, I've never voted either. This coming election will be my first, in which I hope to cancel out the vote of some Duane because democracy is the SHIT.

And oh, yeah. Konnichiwa, bitches!

2004-01-26T13:36:00.000-06:00

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Blue Pit Bull Pups

2004-01-26T13:27:00.000-06:00

Male $700, Female $600

For more info e-mail me at oboreruhito at sushiesque dotcom. They ain't my dogs, I's just saw the flyer.

I am _not_ a goddamned emo kid! But I do rock a bat

2004-01-25T13:19:00.000-06:00

All of the below courtesy weiterate:

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	Emo Kid
Super Power	Ghetto Booty
Enemy	Frozen Corpse Of Walt Disney
Mode Of Transportation	Unicycle
Weapon	Baseball Bat

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Fuck LSU Football T-shirt

Better than Ezra in concert 1-30/1-31 in Baton Rouge

AFI in concert w/Thursday and Coheed And Cambria 3/14 in Dallas
Presale begins Thursday, January 28, 4 p.m. local time
Presale ends Friday, January 30, 6 p.m. local time
Presale Link: www.nextticketing.com - PASSWORD: silver

Public On Sale Saturday, Januray 31, 10 a.m. local time
All Ticketmaster Locations, www.ticketmaster.com, or charge by phone (214) 373-8000 or (972) 647-5700

-

Damn it, why didn't we hang out more when you were here and I was designing headlines for your stories? ;_; Oh, yeah, I was too busy falling apart over Ann to do anything but mope and scar. Dur.

I used to have a crush on the chick with the hair bun in the green dress

2004-01-25T03:37:00.000-06:00

Charlie Brown, shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Shake it like a Catie I who told me about this cuteness

"Frutiger's typeface has become a veritable proverb in seeing ghosts of itself."

2004-01-25T00:33:00.000-06:00

More than a month ago, Apostrophic Labs, sporting a new logo and none of their classy fonts (yet), posted an article on Microsoft ripping off Frutiger for their upcoming "Longhorn" OS.

There is something else I think I missed and should have put up on my blog, but I forgot.

Because "Stalin" means "Man of Steel"

2004-01-24T18:13:00.000-06:00

Super Hitler vs. Super Stalin comic book thing

In addition, I can now be syndicated, XML style.

Rock star Beck is trying to find a new home for his pet bunny rabbit.

2004-01-22T15:06:00.000-06:00

(Original article)

"So, he's throwing a contest on his Web site to find the best new owner for Rocket, and wants fans to write him essays explaining why they should be allowed to take care of the Beck bunny."

On the site:
"In celebration of the DVD release of "Sea Change", we offer Beck fans a unique opportunity to win the bunny rabbit used in the Lonesome Tears video, featured on the Sea Change DVD. Rocket has been growing restless in the Hansen house and he's looking for a new owner, and that could be you. All you have to do is tell Beck why YOU think he should give up his best rabbit pal into your care. So he wants you to write an essay about it! The contest is open for 3 weeks, ending on February 3rd, after which Beck will review all the potential owners and pick the lucky winner, who will also receive an autographed "Sea Change" DVD to add to their collection. Four runners-up will be given autographed DVD's as well.

WE MUST STRESS: Contestants should ONLY enter if they are willing and equipped to accept the responsibility of owning and caring for a live animal. We cannot stress this enough, as taking care of an animal IS WORK and should be taken very seriously. Rocket is a healthy rabbit and has had his health certified, and the ASPCA has been consulted to make sure Rocket is transported safely and in good care. Rocket will be manually transported to the winner's place of residence where an escort will deliver him to the winner and make sure the rabbit is in good hands.

Due to Rocket's travel arrangements, this contest is ONLY open to citizens of the United States that are 18 years of age and older. If you are under 18 and would like to still enter, get consent from your parents or guardian and have them enter for you.

We also request that previous/current animal owners enter only, as we will ask the winner for a Veterinary reference to ensure Rocket is going to a safe home with a conscientious owner."

"Any questions regarding the contest should be emailed to truck@beck.com
We do not share your personal information with third parties period, and we will not spam you. we will love you."

Who is prepared to take arms against a sea of amusements?

2004-01-22T12:44:00.000-06:00

(written for class)

In my apartment, we receive about 60 cable channels. (Just 60!) The content ranges from network entertainment to religious programming, from food to travel to sports (seven channels!) to hunting, from news about today's celebrities to reruns of shows with old celebrities. We get Turner's CNN, Murdoch's Fox News, GE's CNBC, the Weather Channel.

I don't watch a minute of any of it. More specifically, I can't watch more than 20 straight minutes of TV alone without falling over nauseated. (I do a little better when other people are around.) Watching TV is not an activity - if it can be called an activity - that I can do for any length of time. That's because, out of the 60 channels competing for my attention, not a single one offers me anything I want to watch. Ever.

That's not to say I haven't been exposed to TV. I've watched it while doing other things, left it playing in the background to fill in silence. Even then, it's usually the news. I've seen part of one episode of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" while on the phone with someone. I've never even seen a minute of "American Idol," "Survivor," "Joe Millionaire" -- in fact, strike out all major networks' entire prime time programming schedules.

Why not? Because none of it matters to me. None of it is relevant. None of it helps me decide who to vote for in any meaningful way. None of it helps me study for class. None of it helps me find a job, or a friend, or a good book that I want to read. None of it can hold a conversation with me.

Reading Minow (PDF) lament the vast wasteland of three major networks makes me wish I knew what life was like when that's all there was. What did people do with all their free time? When he says channels catering to special tastes would create more limited commercial markets and, tacitly, either fewer commercials or at least more relevant ones, I wonder if the term 'demographics' meant the same thing then as it does now.

Television, with the ridiculous variety at hand, has not blossomed into a fertile plain of content. It's faltered into a dozen fragmented wastelands, islands of dust separated by narrow, parched cracks. Minow's hope for true children's programming has faded into ideas such as Barney, the Teletubbies, today's Sesame Street, and an endless barrage of cartoons that are as dull to children's minds as they are bright to their eyes - and marketable to their parents.

However, Postman's points on how people are amusing themselves into oblivion are too strong. People are only amusing themselves into submission, by way of the spoons which feed them. While Murdoch makes a persuasive case for treating media as simple businesses in "The Age of Murdoch," he isn't convincing in his complete disregard for media as a social force outside of entertainment and profiteering, and one doesn't have to go far from News Corp to see Minow's woes over America's representation on the international media stage come to life through the media empires of Murdoch and other corporate conglomerates. The world is either homogenizing itself to American culture or hating what it represents, while America has firmly insulated itself from the programs from India and the Congo that Minow predicted.

As evidenced in "Misperception, the Media, and the Iraq War," (PDF) with a majority of people consuming news from the most entertaining (and, consequently, misrepresenative) outlet - also consequently, Murdoch's outlet - Americans indeed seem content to waddle along with idiot smiles on their faces. While Minow optimistically believed television could bring and further enlightenment to Americans and, eventually, the world, it has instead taken Postman's route: everyday life, under the reality TV glass, is just an entertaining show, along with war in Iraq, government elections, murder and molestation, tragedy and disaster. It takes something on the scale of the September 11 attacks - and it has to take place on American soil - to snap people out of the lull, and even then, just for a second.

'troubleshooting' means my robot has laser beams and the strength of five go-rillas

2004-01-22T09:41:00.000-06:00

G.A.R.R.E.T.T.: General Artificial Replicant Responsible for Exploration and Terran Troubleshooting

My roommate is a Z.A.C.K.: Zombie Assembled for Calculation and Killing. His girlfriend is an A.M.A.N.D.A.: Artificial Mechanical Assassination and Nocturnal Destruction Android.

Other people:
M.E.L.A.N.I.E.: Mechanical Electronic Lifeform Assembled for Nocturnal Infiltration and Exploration
C.H.R.I.S.T.I.N.E.: Cybernetic Hydraulic Replicant Intended for Scientific Troubleshooting and Intensive Nocturnal Exploration
M.I.K.E.Y.T.: Mechanical Individual Keen on Efficient Yelling and Troubleshooting
B.C.A.M.P.: Biomechanical Cybernetic Android Manufactured for Peacekeeping
J.J.: Journeying Judge
D.J.T.E.: Device Justified for Troubleshooting and Exploration

G.O.D.: Galactic Observation Device
J.E.S.U.S.: Journeying Entity Skilled in Ultimate Sabotage
S.A.T.A.N.: Synthetic Android Trained for Assassination and Nullification
G.E.O.R.G.E.W.B.U.S.H.: General Entity Optimized for Repair and Gratification/Electronic Wireless Battle and Ultimate Sabotage Humanoid
R.E.D.R.O.B.O.T.: Robotic Electronic Device Responsible for Online Battle and Online Troubleshooting
B.U.D.D.H.A.: Biomechanical Unit Designed for Destruction and Hazardous Assassination
H.I.T.L.E.R.: Hydraulic Individual Trained for Logical Exploration and Repair
B.A.R.Q.S.: Biomechanical Android Responsible for Quick Sabotage

Best generator-thingy I've seen in long long time. Even lets you buy Cafe Press crap with the picture.

This is just like school but with rock stars

2004-01-21T22:47:00.000-06:00

NEW YORK (Billboard) - After filling in since November, Cold guitarist Terry Balsamo has officially joined Evanescence as a replacement for departed axeman Ben Moody.

Cold frontman Scooter Ward confirmed the news in a post on the band's official Web site. He also lashed back at Evanescence singer Amy Lee's recent comments that Cold's future is in jeopardy because Ward "is in and out of rehab and having real problems."

[Full context from interview with Undercover.com.au:

TC: Does this mean that Cold is now finished with?

AL: I'm pretty sure it does. They could hire another guitar player and continue, but I'm pretty sure that their lead singer is in and out of rehab and having real problems. He has been for a long time and I don't think they're going to be making another record. Terry was in a situation also where their band was very unhappy, so I think we came together on a common ground.

TC: So does anyone from Cold have sore feelings towards Evanescence?

AL: I don't know! I haven't talked to them because we all went on tour together in the States, which is funny, that's how we met. Scooter, the lead singer was really hurting, it was not good, but the rest of the guys in the band are really awesome. I love Jeremy and Kelly's really cool and I was friends with both of those guys. I didn't know the drummer very well, but I don't think there's be any sore feelings, I think they were all pretty sick of the situation in their band.]

"So it's official," he wrote. "Terry has left us for Evanescence. I don't know why and I don't want to. I also don't know why Amy threw my life out there like she did. I never did anything but treat her with respect. But this is the life I choose and I understand not everything can be a secret. I just wish she would have let me tell my story when I was ready."

(Original story)

So then:

Evanescence singer Amy Lee has apologised to Cold fans after announcing to Undercover that the band had broken up and that lead singer Scooter was in and out of rehab.

In her message she writes "Dear Cold Fans, I'm sure the last thing you want to hear right now is more of me running my mouth, so I'm going to make this short and simple. It was not my place to make any statements about the status of Cold- Cold is not my band. I apologize. I've never claimed to be perfect and I'm not too proud to admit when I'm wrong".

The apology also extended to the members of Cold. "To the band: Sorry guys, I didn't mean to hurt anything for you. I'm new at this and I still sometimes forget that the world is listening" she said.

Undercover.com.au also notes that Moody has been spotted as a co-writer on Avril Lavigne's new album. ?_?

AAAAAAAH

2004-01-20T09:19:00.000-06:00

MELANIEEEEE COME BACK I MISS YOU! AAAAAAAH

"This is not just a case of kids just talking to be cool."

2004-01-13T16:25:00.000-06:00

Louisiana kids want to kill everybody.

I think women should have the right to choose what happens... in bed

2004-01-13T10:44:00.000-06:00

Which Democratic Candidate Are You... In Bed?, a refreshingly old-fashioned tally-up-your-own-goddamn-results quiz by Sushiesque fellow Gwynne. I'm mostly Sharpton with a bit of Kuchinich, but at least a point of everyone else, too. Which makes me think that I'm mostly loud and up for anything, direct but a little evasive under pressure, unintimidated, and confusing. With a thing for Southern girls. In bed, that is.

Internet is back. Let us rejoice.

"I just don?t understand the game industrie's (sic) fascination with 3D shit. The goddamn dimension has been around for ever but they act like they just fucking discovered it. When humans started sculpting they didn't give up painting." - Penny Arcade

The Disputed Territories of White Monkey People is a tiny, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its strong anti-business politics. Its hard-working population of 5 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

Which Eddie Izzard line are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

~GG

"they must have worse eyesight than I do, then"

2004-01-03T22:57:00.000-06:00

AsAer: Why must your font be so big?
Gummy Spirit: I don't hear the other ladies complaining.

Elliot Smith autopsy inconclusive

2003-12-31T16:17:00.000-06:00

In case you've missed it or haven't heard:
"The trauma that he sustained could have been inflicted by him or by another and the coroner has not been able to make a determination," a spokesman for the coroner said. (Rollingstone.com)

Google News for Elliot Smith

Bam quake, at least 20,000 dead

2003-12-27T15:45:00.000-06:00

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For every one of those numbers, recount every single event you can remember in your life, and do it with the knowledge that this is a conservative early estimate of the loss of life in Bam.

Then try to tell me about your troubles lining up your ski trip in the Rockies.

For re-education campaigns, nothing is better than the AutoContent Wizard!

2003-12-27T15:24:00.000-06:00

"Software constraints are only confining if you use them for what they're intended to be used for," ex-Talking Head David Byrne said in a phone interview. "PowerPoint may not be of any use for you in a presentation, but it may liberate you in another way, an artistic way. Who knows."

The AP story; special thanks to Fernsebby.

murry kissmast

2003-12-26T00:45:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I guess there are a few things that need to be just flopped out onto the world from here:

1.) I's in lurve. Yummy cutie far away sad but happy! yay because I's in LOVE LOVE LOVE and I's thinkin' she loves me the too, not two but as well, yes. Mm-hmm. ^.^ PS Mom wants the chocolate with mint candy recipe. ¬.¬
2.) Got a 1.0 semester GPA, which means not even academic probation, apparently. B in Sociology and C in one of the two Poli Scis helped a ton. A metric tonne. A METRIC BUTTLOAD. (Unfortunately, this knocks me out of the race for lowest GPA ever, which I believe still belongs to either B Camp or Nate, who I believe both had less than that (combined, probably) at least one semester.)
3.) Four pairs of jeans, nine shirts, a month's rent and some gas money. Merry Christmas to ME.
4.) Working the American Press over the holiday for a cool $880, maybe $920 if they pay me time-and-a-half for New Year's Eve. Money is COOL
5.) I'm in love with a girl! A REAL ONE! O_O
6.) Fern is getting her mix CD, hopefully sometime soon. Heh... Fern.

Internet is dead, long live the Internet

2003-12-16T08:46:00.000-06:00

Cable got disconnected, so I'll be without fast Internet for a while... e-mail and blogging will still take place SO DON'T FEAR ALL YOU MASSES.

From t'day's Fark:
Jack White beats the shit out of someone. "Police reported that (Von Bondies lead singer Jason) Stollsteimer's right eye was bruised and swollen and that he was bleeding from his nose." As Fark duly noted, looks like that hand injury's better.
'Baby mama' to get in the OED. I'm still waiting for "flexitallic" and "frontalot" before I really respect the OED as a record of the English language.

From the BBC:
iTunes' 25 millionth song sold... sung by Sinatra. Ol' Blue Eyes can't help but keep showing up... gonna have to check iTunes' Sinatra selection now.

EGG MAN

2003-12-10T18:26:00.000-06:00

I've been told lately by multiple people that I make an awful lot of references to dead or injured babies. And sure enough, what is the name of this blog? Torn Apart at Birth. If anyone has any sort of insight as to why this may be, lemme know... because I'm at a loss. I just kinda realized it myself...

--

Stealing an idea from Jane (of Game Girl Advance fame), here is my character sheet:

name: A. Garrett Guillotte
player: Yes
race: half-elf
class: bard
level: 3
STR: 5
DEX: 12
CON: 10
INT: 16
WIS: 7
CHA: 14
born: June 26, 1981
raised: Iowa, Louisiana
height: 5' 11"
weight: 137 lbs.
B/W/H: 37/32/36 hey shut up
shoe: 8 1/2
hat: 7
skills: Animal Empathy (1), Bluff (1), Concentration (4), Escape Artist (1), Gather Information (1), Innuendo (17), Knowledge (computers) (4), Knowledge (when to shut the fuck up) (-6), Listen (2), Sense Motive (-3)
feats: Armor Proficiency (long-sleeved thick jackets even out of season), Artist (graphic design), Drink Root Beer, Endurance, Luck of Heroes, Thug
equipment: Palm m100 (WIS +2), detachable keychain with leash (STR+1 stun damage strap/STR+2 slicing damage keys, 2 ft. range), lack of cell phone (Happiness +4, Ease of Communicating With -4)
body gear: long-sleeved corduroy shirt (AC 1), thick flannel jacket (AC 2), cargo jeans (carry +10 pounds), bowling shoes (CHA +1, bowling +1)
steed: 1998 Dodge Avenger ES with power sunroof (half-speed: 70 mph/full speed 140 mph, fuel: gasoline, 20/28 mtg; CHA +2 while driving)
hobbies: being lazy

--

I don't normally take too kindly to quizzes... but this one had some rather amusing questions, and I was rather surprised by the answer... I must be indier than I think I am.

You're Avante Garde Indie. You listen to abstract
music like free-jazz and Krautrock. You drink
too much coffee and you scare the fuck out of
the rest of us. We're afraid to call you
pretentious because we know that we all just
don't get it. There are few of you out there,
and most of you will probably die soon.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.
brought to you by Quizilla

hoes van buren

2003-12-09T14:31:00.000-06:00

Hannah Hoes Van Buren! Hannah Hoes Van Buren! Hannah Hoes Van Buren!

Man I've got to name a band after that First Lady! Hannah Hoes Van Buren!

packin' peters that are measured in millimeters

2003-12-02T13:33:00.000-06:00

white kids love hip-hop
ooooh

man there's nothin' to do in this stupid town
rope swing's busted
stinkin' cops are always kickin' me outta the park
manager of the 7-11's always sayin'
"get off my curb you good fer nothin'"
all the girls already know i'm a bad kisser so they won't come anywhere near me
i don't know how many times i've been TGIF
a kid can only eat an onion bloom only so many times
bowling's boring, skating rink's been taken over by 12-year-olds
there ain't no good movies out
blockbuster never has any good games in
i don't wanna play bombad racing
i mean what the heck is that
i'm sick of all my records
and every time i walk in a record store
i forget what i wanna get
and there ain't nothin' on tv
not a stupid thing!
there ain't nothin' to do 'cept take naps
and wait peacefully for death!

BREAKING NEWS FOR LIBRARIANS

2003-11-30T18:03:00.000-06:00

NY Hotel Settles Lawsuit with Dewey Decimal System: Hotel can number rooms and floors by the system but must acknowledge that a nonprofit library co-op owns the system, and must pay unspecified cizash to a nonprofit promoting reading in children.

From the Library Hotel Web site:
"Each of the ten guestroom floors of the Library is dedicated to one of the ten major categories of the Dewey Decimal System*: Social Sciences, Literature, Languages, History, Math & Science, General Knowledge, Technology, Philosophy, The Arts and Religion. Each of the sixty exquisitely appointed accommodations have been individually adorned with a collection of art and books relevant to one distinctive topic within the category of floor it belongs to. Choose your favorite or explore the unique delights of each room, one visit at a time.

...

The Library is conveniently located on Madison, Avenue and 41st Street, also known as Library Way, just steps away from the majestic New York Public Library, Bryant Park, Pierpont Morgan Library, the exquisitely renovated Grand Central Terminal and all that Midtown Manhattan has to offer. Designed to feel more like a private club than a hotel, each of the Library's richly appointed accommodations are individually adorned with art and a collection of books that relate to the room's unique theme. Personal service goes one step further as guests may request their room based on their personal interests, such as the Literature floor with rooms specializing subjects from Poetry or The Classics to Erotic Literature. Offered on the Math and Science floor are such intriguing room themes as Astronomy or Botany. Law, Eastern Religion, Money, and New Media are also among the 60 eclectic themes available on the room menu at The Library Hotel."

(Full list of rooms, by subject) The Erotic Literature room sounds like fun, naturally, but I'm more curious about what would be in the Ancient Languages, Astronomy, Music, Ancient Religion, Ethics and Paranormal and Love philosophy rooms. I mean, how do you make a hotel room theme around Ethics?

"... Rooms .003 and .004 have full size beds. Rooms .001 .002 and .005 have Queen beds. Rooms .006 have king beds."

Neatest novelty hotel concept ever. Do they leave a bookmark on the pillow instead of a mint?

it doesn't snow here so this is as good as it gets for me

2003-11-30T06:24:00.000-06:00

From another blogging Christine at eleventwentyseven:
Make your own snowflake

Notable for being a supporter of the uberformat, EPS! LONG LIVE EPS!

Doubly notable for being freakishly neato.

"You ruined my life!" ~ satisfied link follower
"aaaaaaaaaaah" ~ another satisfied link follower

Sarah... the AMISH SLUT (or, WTF am I doing Googling 'amish porn'?)

2003-11-30T06:06:00.000-06:00

I'm a bit naive, which is why this is surprising to me. The words "Amish" and "not safe for work" just do not seem to want to go together.

Still, nice to see porn with a sense of humor.

The Toothbrush Defence

2003-11-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

But is flossing enough?

"HELSINKI (Reuters) - A Finnish judge who heard four criminal cases while drunk has insisted the breath test was flawed because she was too busy to brush her teeth that morning.

...

"The breathalyser test result was affected by the alcohol that was left in my mouth and which I did not have time to remove in the morning rush by brushing my teeth," Pettinen said, according to the attorney general's statement, dated Thursday."

Given the modern life realities, anyone can become a vampire.

2003-11-26T01:45:00.000-06:00

From Fark:

To check how much of a vampire you are already, you can use the following test prepared by Vampire Research Center.

Are you skinny?
Is your face pale?
You often wear sunglasses and use sunburn protection cream?
You prefer candles to electric light?
Are you tolerant to temperature changes?
You look much younger than your age?
You have a deep, magnetizing look?
You are rarely ill, avoid medicines?
Do you judge smokers and drug users?
Do you like night-time loneliness?
Do you like raw meat?
You are not interested in sex much?
You like occult sciences?
You like dressing in black?

The more positive answers you gave, the closer you are to start drinking blood.

Dress me up! Please! Meow.....

2003-11-25T21:44:00.000-06:00

1. Dress her up. Cheer or yell, do whatever you like to enjoy the moment with your family.

2. After you are enough with your joy, take a photo! Take some poses and leave her some cute photos!

3. Remove her clothes and give her a hub, say "Thank you!"

brains = tootsie roll = i wanna see that tootsie roll = i wanna see your BRAINS = zombies

2003-11-23T00:14:00.000-06:00

How many things can go wrong in preparing to go home? LET'S FIND OUT:

lost my keys
my cell phone is somewhere, maybe with my roommate
ZIP disks to carry VERY IMPORTANT MUSIC HOME don't work
forgot CDs with design software I needed to work while at home
forgot to copy files to study for finals
forgot books to study for finals
lost my keys AGAIN
mental breakdown

CRAAAACK

EIGHT it takes EIGHT things to go wrong to get to the chocolately chewy center of my skull

all i wanted to do was go home home damn you HOME

Christian research on Harry Potter reveals that Dubya = Antichrist

2003-11-18T19:45:00.000-06:00

From a Web site extolling the evils of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

"When the Goblet of Fire was used, it arose out of an old casket. I find it highly interesting that the Satanic/Freemason symbol of the casket is used in the story.

During the Initation ceremony, a candidate -- naked -- is placed into a coffin, symbolic of his death to self, to his old life, and most importantly, to his old values and attitudes. When the proper ritual is said, the Master reaches into the coffin to clasp th ehand of the candidate, to "raise him to newness of life". The candidate suddenly feels an exaltation that is deeply spiritual; he is said to have been "Born Again". This is the reason former President George Bush could claim being Born Again, when he clearly was Skull & Bones, one of the blackest of the black Satanic secret societies."

(Emphasis mine.) You heard it here first, kids: confirmed by our fundamentalist Christian friends, George Walker, Texas President, is in fact, FOR TRIZZLE, the anti-christ.

My case be all rested out.

Coolest spam ever

2003-11-17T14:29:00.000-06:00

From: "oil painter" (paintingstudio@sohu.com)
To: ginshirou_o@yahoo.com
Subject: the oil paintings
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 2003 02:45:54 +0800

Art Studio

We are a group of professional oil painters in china.
We provide service for galleries, digital artists and photographers
from all over the world.And we work accroding to what our customers
require in order to make their artworks into any size original oil
paintings.The artists who now cooperate with us are very satisfied
with our oil paintings.
They belive oil paintings have some important virtues in comparison
to their digital prints and photographs.
1. Oil painting can last a very long time.
2. Oil painting can be more valuable than the print or photograph.
3. The Oil painting can be made much larger and better as it is not
restricted to the print size or number of pixels.Make the print become
better and bigger.They are not restricted by the print and the pixel.
They remain digital artists or photographers, but the form of the
available artworks are oil paintings,not prints or photographs.
Please e-mail us if you are interested in this professional service.
We are e-mailing you only once.
Thank you for considering our service.
----

Attached was a jpeg with samples of their work. Nice stuff. Almost tempted to reply. o_o

Yes I know Terry Bradshaw is a bad man, no I am not at all serious about this

2003-11-17T07:02:00.000-06:00

Was right about Democrat Kathleen Blanco winning our governorship. Either Louisiana is that afraid of the precedent of having any minority (in this case, East Indian-American Bobby Jindal, not helping the "them thar Asians're too smarty-pants fer me" stereotype) in the governor's office, or that fabled Democratic party (and African-American) vote apathy didn't actually happen like everyone said it would (Demos got the primary vote 60-40, but split it over three popular candidates).

But the best press and coverage of the whole issue wasn't from our own state press -- it came from India (boy, that could be a xenophobic movie title... IT CAME FROM INDIA!). State and stateside papers focused on Blanco being our first female governor (AP wire and most every other national news source led with 'In runoff, Louisiana elects its 1st female governor' or, rarely, 'Louisiana confounds trend by electing a Democrat'); overseas, Bobby Jindal was the star.

Pakistani Americans back Bobby Jindal's rival, Hindustan Times
Bobby Jindal defeated in Louisiana polls, The Indian Express
Going gaga about Bobby Jindal, rediff.com

This one's more interesting for the few comments at the bottom than the story, which has thin support for its thesis:
Race factor let down Jindal in Louisiana polls: experts

Other overseas media were also more focused on Jindal than Blanco, though more of the 'Louisiana fails to elect non-white governor' variety, rather than 'first Indian-American' angles.
Indian-American falls at last hurdle , the Guardian (UK)

And after trying through the whole election to figure out exactly how Jindal got 'Bobby' out of 'Piyush,' the Gulf Daily News -- of BAHARAIN, that is, not Gulf of Mexico -- says it's from the Brady Bunch. o_o

Of everything, though, one thing rang clear: Blanco knew dirty Louisiana politics and played them to the hilt, running with the "I'm a kindly old gram-mama, I'm a nice old lady" campaign for a while, then unleashing a last-minute, typically baseless negative campaign (2/the Advocate) to lure the big 12% swing vote -- white women. (Remind me to never date another white Louisiana woman again. Ever. THANK YOU KATHLEEN BLANCO FOR THE BILE IN MY THROAT)

What didn't help Jindal: refual to meet with gay rights groups (yes, there are gay people in Louisiana) and his complete lack of resonance in CenLa (aggravated by his complete lack of PRESENCE here, whereas we couldn't get RID of Blanco up here).

"Blanco carried New Orleans by a 2-to-1 margin and ran up winning margins of between 57 percent and 70 percent in seven parishes of Acadiana, her home base. She even carried several small, GOP-leaning parishes in northeast Louisiana by 2-to-1 margins, raising questions about whether some rural voters were put off by Jindal's ethnicity." (2/the Advocate, linked above, emphasis added)

I don't think they were put off by his ethnicity (and boy, what a "huh huh redneck drool" statement that was in the story). I think they were put off by the fact that he did damn near nothing to relate to them. Maybe he just assumed he had the Republican vote up here, just out of automatic, casino-honed pull-the-lever politics.

Blanco carried Natchitoches parish, which she narrowly lost to Jindal (500 votes, in fact) in the primaries, carried it by about 1,500. She took my home parish, Calcasieu, by less than 10%.

Jindal's biggest wins were urban and suburban -- everywhere else, Blanco either just edged him out or was just edged out where she was supposed to be blown out.

Me? If I had gone to the polls, I would have wrote in a vote for Terry Bradshaw (it's not me, I swear), so it's probably best that the state makes voting about the most difficult thing to do as a college student outside of your home parish. Blanco will put everything in a committee and go hunting, apparently, and Jindal would've just used the governorship as a decorative footrest cover on his way to running for president -- when he's old enough to, at least.

I was more worried about the Insurance Commisioner's race, which went to Robert Wooley (News-Star) over former state auditor Dan Kyle ("Did (Kyle's campaign manager) rape your cat or something?").

Wooley is a pal of Jim Brown, Louisiana's third-straight insurance commissioner to go down on federal charges (but at least this time, it wasn't fraud, just lying to the FBI -- and hey, we ALL do that. ¬_¬ Right? Especially everyone in public office?). Dan Kyle is a auditor who finds bad things, though with enough zeal to show shades of political motiviation behind it. I'd still rather a mismotivated de-fraud-er in the most fraud-ridden position in the state than a man whose political profile apparently consists of playing golf, sailing boats, and being the right-hand man of a dope who couldn't evade the FBI.

I mean, seriously, the FBI!

At least Kyle lost by more than one vote so I don't have to feel as bad for not showing up for him.

Linux is for smart people

2003-11-16T17:01:00.000-06:00

God I want to geek up on Linux so bad but I CANNOT find a distro that works. Haven't been able to for YEARS. ;_;

From Fark:
Eros ex Mathematica

Sushie

2003-11-16T16:56:00.000-06:00

I've been quoted on someone else's Web site and I don't quite know what to do with myself about it.

I shore ain't in no love yets, but that's definately a point in the "coolest thing someone's done concerning me in a long time" column.

(/blowing things out of proportion)

Open letter to myself

2003-11-15T10:47:00.000-06:00

GG,

Next time you decide to make backup CDs, label them well. Don't just put a date and draw a picture of a cat on one and a dog on the other, and expect to know what the FUCK you were talking about.

~GG

Ponce de Leon, constantly on

2003-11-14T19:13:00.000-06:00

BTW - Hotei Tomoyasu's other big incursion into American film music was in Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas. He's (uncredited, on Amazon) with Ray Cooper on the Drug Score tracks. Buy the ticket, take the ride, listen to the mad stupid ass electric guitar.

It's got bunches of squared-off-yet-squiggly lines on it

2003-11-14T18:46:00.000-06:00

If I had a guitar that looked as cool as Hotei's, though, I'd play guitar. I'd break my fingers and let them grow back longer to play that guitar.

Japanese folk tale of the day, Tanabata, brought to you by Japan Information Network.

I will still pay money for a decent traditional Japanese kake/shikifuton set to anyone offering, but I won't pay more than $150 for the shebang. I don't care what it looks like, I just really really want one.

~GG

something positive

2003-11-13T00:53:00.000-06:00

Rub some Miracle Gro on her clit and sprout a cock?

They're smaller than everyone's

2003-11-12T22:57:00.000-06:00

I've got small hands. Smallest out of everyone I know. They're too small to play piano well, it's why I stopped taking piano lessons. When I played drums, I had to use sticks two sizes smaller than anyone else on the line. I can't play guitar, it's just not physically possible for me to play chords.

People claiming to have small-sized hands never have hands smaller than mine. Have a ruler? Try this: stretch your hand out, so that your thumb and pinky are as far apart as possible. My finger reach is 7.5" (the width of a composition book). From the bottom of my palm to the end of my middle finger is 7".

I can't hold a full-sized football, can't dribble a full-sized basketball, can't properly grip a full-sized baseball bat. I can't wrap my hands around anyone's neck if it's thicker than 15". I can't wrap my hand completely around a 12 oz. can.

So yeah, I've got small hands.

~GG

I'm Trent Reznor

2003-11-11T19:18:00.000-06:00

Re: Trent Reznor's favs on iTunes:

Gummy Spirit: So
Gummy Spirit: I upgraded to Windows 2000 for one reason: iTunes
Gummy Spirit: and now I get to hear Trent Reznor's very own radio station
Catie I: hahaha
Catie I: dork.
Gummy Spirit: and to my surprise
Gummy Spirit: it's MY FUCKING PLAYLIST
Gummy Spirit: right down to the MOTHER FUCKING ICE CUBE
Gummy Spirit: My bad, Dr. Dre AND Ice Cube.
Catie I: hahahahaha
Catie I: so, wait. you're trent reznor?
Gummy Spirit: apparently
Catie I: awesome.
Gummy Spirit: yeah, really
Gummy Spirit: now all the goth chicks will fall over me
Gummy Spirit: WOOT
Catie I: hah
Gummy Spirit: "I'm the unforgiven, psycho-driven murderer!"

2003-11-08T09:52:00.000-06:00

i don't care if you shit mona lisas out of your ass on cue - bill hicks

so pathetic

2003-11-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

personal reply! but from virginia

sadness, a little, but yay for replies, woow owowoowowoooo omg i'm pathetic

joan rivers sends me spam because I AM SPECIALER THAN YOUR SPAMMERS

2003-11-08T08:53:00.000-06:00

i got spam from joan rivers today

'why type when you can speak?'

'type a 10 page report in 1 hour'
'works with virtually all windows programs'
'you talk it types, 150 words per minute'
'easy 5 minute setup'

advantages:
i will have a reason to talk to myself

disadvantages:
i can type a 10 page report in 1 hour already
i work with literally all windows programs (its the programs that don't work with ME)
using the term 'easy 5 minute setup' in reference to myself insults my sexual stamina

oh wait
that really doesn't have much to do with that e-mail
more to do with the herbal supplement one

my bad

hampshire girls with junks in they trunks

2003-11-06T18:17:00.000-06:00

curiouser and curiouser...

i got a reply to a reply on my nerve personal ad, lo and behold, she's maybe a hampshire librarian. so now the people who i've heard from through that personal includes two hampshirees and two librarians. -.- i do detect a trend.

soul power

2003-11-05T08:21:00.000-06:00

1-2-3 hit it

watch me!
watch me!
i got it
watch me!
i got it

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i mean a sweet voice saying hello, you perv

2003-11-05T07:44:00.000-06:00

remind me to get an alarm clock that makes me happy to get up in the morning, preferably one named cindy that's great at oral pleasure

Just want to let you know

2003-11-04T22:08:00.000-06:00

AOL instant messenger = worst memory leaking software ever.

By "old yellow" I do not mean "ol' yeller" or any other dog or dog by-product

2003-11-04T11:34:00.000-06:00

Had a big old yellow Lasyone's pancake for breakfast. Yum.

The Times' project on Natchitoches really is ad-driven. I've never seen so many marketing/ad sales people in one room. They gave us buttons -- Badge-A-Minit buttons -- to wear, just to make it all the more conspicuous.

Three of the five photogs are going to Dallas, so they won't even be able to complete the project. Fanta-tastic.

baap baap baap baap BAAP BAAP BAAP BAAP

2003-11-04T07:01:00.000-06:00

i'm going to invent the alarm clock that just starts going off whenever the power goes out.

trite ass shit like this

2003-11-04T02:17:00.000-06:00

ok

so this is worst i've been in a while. can't sleep, can't go to class, can't do work, can't do anything, and there's one shitty reason for it all:

ready for it? i mean, are you FUCKING READY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU

i ain't got nobody to do it for

yeah, i said it. trite ass shit like that.

do it for you, garrett: don't care

do it for your future, garrett: whatever

do it for your mom: no

do it for your friends: where

do it for your cat: done left me

do it for your girl: see cat

do it for money: don't need any

do it for love: don't love nothin'

so there we have it. i just want to stop being alone. just want to be around people that want me around them, just want to belong to something again. just want to get out of this place and into a new one, a bigger one that takes longer to burn out.

la-la-la, i want a shift key i don't have to shift, la-la-la

bitch moan groan bitch bitch groan moan

`gg

its february what am i doing blogging

2002-02-09T12:41:00.000-06:00

I need music and you, yeah, just music and my baby too.

~GG